I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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