I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
