Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
