I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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