Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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