haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
