how can u be prego again
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize