What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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