Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
