I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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