'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
