I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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