So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
