i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
