There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
