hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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