Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
