if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
