i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
