Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
