Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
