Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
