I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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