Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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