i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Someone shit on the floor
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
