dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
