I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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