do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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