It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
