I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
