I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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