I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
