wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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