i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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