Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
