thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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