i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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