Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
