I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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