why didn't you poke me back
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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