It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
