I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
