oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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