I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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