theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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