I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
