If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
