i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
