so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
