happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
